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Do you know John? He's that guy at work who is always complaining, who does not work that well with others, but has a technical skill that keeps him employed. Every organization has a few Johns.
What about Susan? Susan comes to work with a spring in her step, is ever cheerful, and somehow finds the time to help everyone who needs it. Susan is a gem, and it seems like her department cannot run without her.
For many of us, our default response when encountering John is to commit the "fundamental attribution error." We jump to the conclusion that John has some personality disorder that manifests in his neuroticism and dissatisfaction. Why can't the organization just hire more Susans?
Here's the answer. After measuring over 50,000 brain responses in laboratory experiments and field studies in businesses, governments, and nonprofits, the data show that the vast majority of people who are noncooperative are actually good people having a bad day. Indeed, these data show that 95% of the time people cooperate--the world is full of Susans. Of the remaining people who do not play well with others, about two-thirds are people having an unbelievably dreadful day. By measuring their psychological safety physiologically, the data show these individuals are facing extremely high stress. Stress, or more precisely, elevated levels of physiologic arousal, put the brain into survival mode and inhibit the desire and ability to cooperate with others. The fundamental attribution error confuses "trait" with the physiologic "state “people find themselves in.
The other one-third of the noncooperators have maladaptive personality traits. Traits have a strong genetic component, and these folks just did not receive or develop cooperative personalities. This does not mean they are "bad" people, just that any change in their behavioral patterns will take time and likely needs help, for example, from a coach. These folks may also be suffering from mental health issues and smart business offer mental health benefits to help employees overcome these difficulties.
So what should you do? First, use the SIX app to build your emotional fitness by striving to have six high value social-emotional moments every day. By doing this, you induce neuroplasticity that enables more meaningful connections with colleagues, reducing the friction that can occur among busy people working on deadlines. SIX also guides users to better regulate their emotions which primarily occurs in the brain's prefrontal cortex, a region that is highly active during Key Moments.
Second, share your SIX data showing if you are flourishing or languishing with team members, even the difficult Johns, and invite them to share their data with you. This is an unambiguous sign of trust and friendship. John may indeed be socially or emotionally isolated, or he may have difficulty connecting with others. Rather than avoid him, make an effort to include him in both work and celebratory activities. John at happy hour or Friday pizza? Yes. And, give John a "time in“ with extra care rather than a "time out” by avoiding him when he's unhappy. And don't forget Susan. Her cheerfulness might mask social-emotional deficits so share SIX data with her and vice-versa. If she is getting twice the needed six Key Moments a day, then she is setting a high bar for all those with whom she's sharing her data. When team members are individually thriving, the team is thriving.
Finally, apply the Human API. My friend Rich Hua, the emotional intelligence evangelist at Amazon, shared this idea with me during a recent presentation we did together. API in this case stands for Assume Positive Intentions. Consistent with my neuroscience findings, uncooperative or unhappy team members are highly likely good people having a string of bad days. It is state not trait. Just a little extra care and connection from you can make all the difference when you remember API.
We are social creatures, and we desperately need others in our lives. This is as true during work as it is after work. How about making a new friend at work today? And share your SIX app with that new friend so you can check in and take care of each other. SIX makes it easy because you can send an encouraging emoji to a colleague in the app or, when you're in person, giving someone a hug when they need it. Try SIX today, it's free, it's scientifically valid, and it will help you be a happier person and a better team member. Even if your name is John!