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Would you like to return to yourself at 25? Or 16?
We are dynamic. The "you" when you were 25 is not the "you" at 40 or 60. The brain initiates changes constantly to balance the needs of the body with the demands it faces. This process, called allostasis, seeks to adapt to a person's needs as they evolve. All this work is done unconsciously and balances immediate needs, which get priority, with longer-term objectives
At the same time, nature has put limits on the process of adaptation. The body can only produce so much energy and it seeks to allocate it efficiently. The brain builds predictive models to marshal the resources needed for allostasis as part of its dynamic reshaping.
The "allo" part of allostasis means "other." Other people have a profound effect on allostasis. People can demand huge energy expenditures from us, but can also give us energy by helping us. Allostasis helps explain why there is a U-shaped relationship between age and happiness.
When you're in your 20s, you're trying to figure things out and most people have few responsibilities. Reported happiness tends to be high. When people enter their 30s and 40s, happiness drops. This is when people are seriously building careers, building romantic relationships, and for many, building families. While these activities produce moments of joy, they also induce high allostatic load. The energy buffer people have to regulate their emotions is diminished because they are working 60 hour weeks, trying to figure out how to live with a romantic partner who has odd quirks, and may be raising children that not only demand a lot of time, but have produce uncertainty about the time they need as they get sick or join a travelling sports team. We have more arguments in our 30s and 40s not because we are unevolved human beings, but because allostatic load is high and our energetic resources are tapped out as we try to survive.
Happiness and emotional regulation improve in the 50s and 60s when relationships mature or end, children leave the house, and for many, careers are well-established and imposter syndrome has abated. If you're in your 50s and beyond, now is your time to optimize your life for happiness. I'll give you a link below to make this easier.
If you're under 40, you need to save some energy for your own growth. You deserve it and you will wither away if you do not invest in yourself. You can do this by finding your purpose. Purpose is an activity, besides work and family, that brings you joy and builds up your energy.
Unsure about your purpose? We can help.
The team at Immersion spent 25 years doing fundamental research to identify how the brain values the experiences people have. We turned this knowledge into the free app SIX that applies algorithms to signals we pull from smartwatches and fitness wearables that tell users precisely what brings them moments of joy. Without journaling. Without answering a survey. You go about your life, and SIX tells you what to do more of to invest in you. You are worth it. And, frankly, your work colleagues and family need you to grow and develop so you can be the best you. Discovering and acting on your purpose is how you do this.
So, what is the best age to be? A 2021 YouGov poll of more than 13,000 Americans found that the majority of people think the age they are is the best age to be.[1] You are doing just fine the way you are. And, if you want to be happier, download Immersion's free app SIX. It measures which activities make you happiest neurologically, continuously, and privately. Find your purpose and be reminded to act on it with SIX by your side. You'll be happier in as short at two weeks. Download SIX now and tell us how our found your purpose at hello@getimmersion.com.
[1] https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/36637-best-years-of-your-life-decades-age-poll